Attachment & SleepTraining - can you have both?

As a parent, few things are more important to you than the bond you share with your child. You’ve likely poured your heart into creating a secure attachment, responding to every cry, holding your baby close, and building a relationship rooted in trust. Our little ones mean the world to us. So when the topic of sleep training comes up, it’s only natural to wonder: Will this hurt our connection? Will my baby still feel safe and loved?

I want to reassure you: attachment and sleep training are not mutually exclusive. In fact, when done gently and responsively, sleep training can support your child’s well-being, including their emotional security.

Let’s talk about it.

What Is Secure Attachment, Really?

Attachment is all about how your child experiences your presence, your responsiveness, and your love. A securely attached child knows, deep down, “My caregiver will be there for me when I need them.” This doesn’t mean you respond perfectly every time-none of us can-but it does mean your baby experiences consistency and comfort over time.

Secure attachment is built over thousands of little moments, not lost in a single bedtime or night of trying something new.

What Sleep Training Isn’t

Sleep training often gets a bad rap because people assume it means letting a baby “cry it out” alone for hours. But gentle sleep training is not about leaving your baby to fend for themselves. It’s about helping your child develop independent sleep skills within the safety of your presence and care. It is about supporting your child as they learn a new skill.

It might mean introducing a consistent bedtime routine, adjusting sleep associations, or slowly reducing your involvement at bedtime while still offering reassurance. What it looks like may vary from family to family or child to child. Gentle sleep training respects your child’s emotional needs and developmental stage. It allows space for feelings and sleep.

How Sleep Training Can Support Your Attachment

When your child gets enough restorative sleep, they are better able to regulate their emotions, grow, and engage with the world. And when you get more rest, you’re better equipped to respond with patience, warmth, and consistency. All core ingredients in a healthy attachment.

Improving sleep isn’t about distancing yourself from your child- it’s about creating a rhythm that allows both of you to thrive.

A Few Principles I Live By:

• You are the expert on your child. If something feels wrong to you, it’s okay to pause and adjust.

• Crying is communication, not trauma. All babies cry- it’s how they process change and express needs. Gentle sleep training means you listen to those cries and respond in ways that feel right for you. Change is hard and your child may let you know they are displeased with your choice to create change around sleep.

• You can be responsive and set boundaries. Just like we lovingly guide our children in other areas, we can support them in learning to fall asleep, too. Setting boundaries & expectations around sleep helps them learn what their role in bedtime is.

• Progress, not perfection. Sleep isn’t linear, and there will be ups and downs. What matters is the overall sense of safety and consistency you’re offering. Consistency is going to be your biggest game changer!

If you’ve been hesitating to try sleep training because you fear it will harm your bond, please know this: you are not doing anything to your child-you are doing something for your child, and for yourself.

You are allowed to want more sleep. You are allowed to teach your baby new skills. And you can do it all with love, intention, and connection.

You are a good parent. You’re showing up. And that is more than enough. 💕

Need support? I offer personalized sleep plans for families just like yours. Reach out if you’d like to talk more—I’d love to walk this journey with you.